In Search Of…

The Google search bar is a strange, strange place. Even stranger than my gym bag. People look for everything there like it is some kind of portal to another dimension where anything your heart desires exists, no matter how strange. I have to think that if people are searching for it, there’s probably something on the world wide web that can satisfy the query. For some weird people out there, my blog was where they ended up.

Here are some of the search terms that got people to my page:

The easy ones

  • Mud Underpants – I talk about mud. I wear underpants. OK. No cotton underpants from mud runs, by the way.
  • Lentil Cookies and Lentil Protein Cookie – So yummy cookies from Bal Arneson that I blogged about.
  • How Many Points in a Cupcake – Just enjoy your cupcake. If you really MUST count Weight Watchers points, 8 seems to be a good average for a typical cupcake (I’m not talking about the ginormous ones from Crumbs- just a run of the mill homemade cupcake.)
  • How Do I Get My Trifecta Medal – It used to be that you’d finish your 3 race of the series (Spartan Sprint, Super, and Beast,) go to the merchandise tent, and they’d give you your Trifecta medal. Or they’d “run out” of Trifecta medals. Then you’d give them your address and they’d send you a medal many weeks later. Spartan Raced does thing differently now, and now you get a ‘wedge’ of the medal at each run. They combine to form your Trifecta medal.

    Like Voltron, but less likely to get broken by your little brother.

Lots of period related searches

  • Period During Mud Run – I wrote a little review-y thing for the Instead SoftCup a while back. A LOT of people find my blog this way, and I am cool with that.
  • Mud Run Menstruation More fun with girly blood! I wrote a post called a Girl’s Guide to Getting Dirty. Menstruation = girls. Mud Run = getting dirty. Makes sense.
  • Mud Run Tampon – Tampons are gross. Refer back to the Instead Softcup.
  • UTI After Mud Run – Urinary tract infections seem to be a big deal in the female OCR world. Never had to deal with one. Don’t really know how to truly prevent one while wading around in mud that 12,000 other people have waded around in.  I’m sure skipping the tampons and switching to SoftCups might help a little bit, what with the eliminating a wad of cotton holding the funk to your body. I am no doctor. Please consult with someone with an M.D. after their name if you think you have a UTI.
  • Instead SoftCup Stuck – This term pops up a lot. Here’s my best advice: Bear down like you are pushing out an epic turd (or a baby.) That should help. If not, call your doctor.

The weird ones

  • Cats Doing Human Things – seriously have no idea why my blog would show up for this search term. I don’t have a cat. I don’t talk about cats. I definitely do not talk about cats doing human things. What kind of human things were you looking for?

Here’s a cat making bad sci-jokes. That’s a human thing.

  • Dirty.com Grandma Son – These people (because it came from more than one search) are not welcome here. Just gross.
  • Movie Girls Licking Feet of Mud and Dirt – To the guy who must have been looking for some kinky video to whack off to, I apologize. This was probably not what you wanted to see. I’m sorry if it ruined your day. Or maybe it was what you were looking for- if so, um… enjoy? No judgement. I just hope that it is clean mud and dirt that the girls in the video you were actually looking for are licking. Bad things float around in mud and dirt.

Like Campylobacter hanging out at the Tough Mudder

 

  •  “Baked Girl” Meat Stories – Dear GOD what were you looking for?!?!?!?! Cannibalism? Weird fetish? Odd comic book series? I’m scared to type that into my own search bar to figure out what the deal is here. Someone else do it and let me know. Or don’t. Use your discretion.

And my personal favorite which was so awesome that I had to give it its own picture:

It's not racing unless you get dirt in your cleavage.

This was actually dirt from Jay’s pockets after the Vermont Beast, but it is approximately how much falls out of my bra after a typical OCR.

 

Happy Googling!

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