Halloween is Cursed

Halloween 2010 – Ok so this really has nothing to do with a curse but I was all second trimester-y and couldn’t stay awake enough to do much of anything for the holiday. Decorations were thrown out last minute. My costume sucked because I couldn’t fit in anything. Standing outside giving kids candy took way too much energy. Postive side: I got to eat Mounds and Starburst for two!
Halloween 2011 – The onset of the curse. It should have been the most wonderful day ever. It was my son’s first Halloween. He should have been raking in the graham crackers, Goldfish, and “Awwwww look at the cute little baby”s at every door on the block.

I’m not cute. I’m evil.

Instead, we got smacked by a friggin’ Nor’easter a few days before Halloween.

Such a beautiful fall day.

The 20 inches or so of snow was mostly melted away by Halloween. One would think that the kids would have been out in full force having been shut up in their houses for 2 days but nooooo. I guess parents couldn’t let their fragile little creatures out when it was sooo snowy and cold. Again, the snow was mostly melted and I remember it actually being relatively warm- upper 40s?- that evening.
As is typically required in my neighborhood, I purchased at least 10 pounds of candy and began the evening rationing conservatively to last the entire 2 hour Trick-or-Treat window. By 7, I was tossing handfuls into the kids’ bags. By 8 I was eating a lot of extra Reeses and Kit-Kats.
What was even worse was that everyone seemed to think that Halloween was going to be cancelled. Maybe every 6th or 7th house had its light on for Trick-or-Treaters. What the hell people? We had to walk our poor little devil around for blocks and blocks just to get him a couple pieces of candy. And yes, I am a bad parent and let my 9 month old eat candy. Shoot me.
Halloween 2012

This is the closest we get to a family portrait

All the same crap of 2011, but replace the “once in a lifetime” snow storm, with the “once in a lifetime” Superstorm Sandy.

Halloween 2013 – I thought this year would just have to be awesome. No freak storms. A son who is old enough to understand the holiday and even say “Trick or Treat.” Things should be good.

X dressed as Super Why!, a PBS Kids Sprout show character. He is a superhero with the power to read. Thrilling, huh?

We (but mostly Jay) decorated the house extra this year because we had to go so minimal for the last few years. The tombstones that I made year ago went up. A zombie was tearing out of one of the graves. A skeletal cat skulked about. Spiderwebs galore. Demonic ghosts at every turn. And our living decoration (my brother in a gas mask and bloodied shirt) was all ready to make crazy pterodactyl noises and scare the ever-loving bejeezus out of little princesses and Power Rangers.

I bought tons of candy. I think I had 5 shopping bags full, a giant bag of Halloween pretzels for the kids who can’t have candy, plus a big old bag of candy that my mom brought over because she NEVER gets Trick-or-Treaters at her house. And then the rain came. What. The. Fuck? Mr. Weatherman said that the rain wasn’t going to come until late evening, after the Halloween traditions. But nope. By 4pm the puddles were forming.

I had to quickly rethink my costume because A, the costume I bought was piece of crap and couldn’t be worn, and B my back-up costume would be ruined in the rain. Thank god for my unhealthy obsession with Halloween and all things dark and creepy, because I was able to quickly throw together a witch costume that didn’t look retarded and store-bought.

We all got ready and began the festivities, but apparently we were the only ones because we ran into the same problems as the storm years. Maybe 3 houses per block had lights on. X didn’t even fill up half a pumpkin. He got bored and wanted to go home.

At home, we got very few Trick-or-Treaters by my neighborhood’s pre-storm standards. Usually the kids start by 5:45 (even though the Village dictates that 6-8 are the proper hours) and then continue at fairly steady rate until 7 when it peters out for 20 minutes or so before having another rush from 7:15-8, with a couple of kids trickling in between 8 and 8:15. It is a science in our development. This year, we had a slow stream from 6-6:30 and then trickles until 7 and after that we basically gave up and went inside to watch TV. It wasn’t right at all. I was giving out candy by handfuls to those last kids in attempt to unload the diabetic coma-waiting-to-happen sitting next to my door.

My brother was depressed. He barely scared anyone. Neither did my husband, the plague doctor. I’m going to get fat because of the giant re-usable shopping bag filled with leftover candy that is sitting in my house. All-in-all, Halloween was a dud. Again.

Did anyone else have a crap-tastic All Hallows Eve?


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