There is grilled cheese in your boot

Things have changed a lot for me in the last few years.  Chef Hubby and I like to play this little game where we ask each other something along the lines of “6 years ago, would you have ever thought you’d be …”  The answer is usually something akin to “Yeah, right. As if.” There are a lot things I do now that I never in a million years thought I’d be doing:

  • Changing diapers – I was pretty sure I’d be a crazy cat lady with no human children

or maybe a crazy capybara lady

  • Running – I wouldn’t even go outside into the evil day-moon’s grasp

Thank you, Mario, for not only making me want to stay inside and play NES, but also for showing me the dangers of UV rays.

  • Working in the pharmaceutical industy – Thought I’d be Agent Scully by now

Although I do still work some X-files. Just recently I had the case of the Cheerios-in-the-diaper-when-no-Cheerios-had-been-eaten. Ooooh... Creepy.

  • Crawling under barbed wire

Um... does anyone ever think they'd be doing that?

But more disturbing, are the things that I never thought I would say in a million  years. I thought I said weird things when I adopted my dogs, like “Brutus, stop eating your tail” or “Honey, can you please collect some of Nilla’s tapeworms in a conical tube?.” But the words that are coming out of my mouth since having a toddler in the house have been just – well – strange:

  • Bear doesn’t go in your poo.
  • There is a Goldfish in my wallet. (April 16, 2012 – Adding “There is kibble in my bag” because being a pet parent hasn’t changed and, well, there was kibble in my bag next to a singular toddler sock)
  • Please do not eat that bunny’s eyeball.
  • Is that buttercream or diaper cream? <licks finger> phew… buttercream.
  • Why is there a hairbrush in the refrigerator? <actually, I said this one while still only Big Sister>
  • Please take your finger out of my nose.
  • Can I please go for a 5k run so that I can relax?
  • Don’t forget there is grilled cheese in your boot.

These are only the ones I can think of off the top of my head. I am sure that there are others that I have just repressed. Any bizarre utterances come out of your mouth lately?


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